Hi Ladies! First of all...thanks for all of your advice and hugs...you guys really are the greatest! My DH is jealous and feels that Dads should have their own blogs too! I am feeling much better the past 2 days and I am just going with the flow and not trying to be Miss Perfect all the time! But I have a new dilemma...I cant quite figure out this new crying phase that Jada seems to be going through? She is 11 months old and is doing quite a bit developmentally, walking, climbing, drinking from sippy cup only, eating table food, however...the past 2 weeks she has been crying constantly at certain times during the day when she is tired of walking around or playing and wants to be held. I feel this is normal as babies cry. This happens alot in the morning when my DH and I are getting ready, she grabs our legs and cries and if we dont pick her up she throws her back out and screams on the floor! it also happens at random times during the day which I am guessing is just her way of expressing her needs. But I am hearing from others that you cant cater to her every need becuase she will pick up on that and always cry. When family members babysit her for our date nights, she does this also...and they have started to complain and tell us that we arent doing something right with her:( I am getting really frustrated and I dont feel like I am holding my child any more than any other mom would...however my in laws, my DH and daycare feel that I need to let her cry it out a little more as she does this. I am feeling attacked but I am now starting to think that maybe I need to come down off my throne and listen to what others are saying. Is this a phase as she transitions from infant to toddler? Any advice???
Love you ladies!!!!
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7 comments:
Boy what a hard question!
I really don't think there is anything you can do differently, and if you hold her less this will just make her want to be held more.
Try holding her when she wants it instead of trying not to hold her, and she will get her "fix" and not feel like she is being ignored.
Also spend some play time with her on the floor, you know paying attention to her while she isn't being held, so she knows that isn't the only way she has your attention...as for your relatives I would tell them to "cool it!" lol
I was at Barnes & Nobles earlier, and I read the title: "I was a great mom before I had kids" and thought, that's for sure:) And isn't that the truth too about other people's opinions...thinking they know what's best for your child. I'm guilty of thinking that way too, so I'm not judging...just pointing out a reality.
I think you can listen to what people say - thank them for their opinions, but the opinions you should pay the most attention to are yours and your DH. Personally, I don't think holding a baby/child too much is an issue. The issue would seem if their trying to be manipulative (I think you can tell) or if there's a genuine problem - teething (I think around 1 year, molars are coming in), overtired, hungry, or just want some love.....all things that Jada probably doesn't know how to express right now except in frustration. My sister in law used sign language w/ their kids....so they could communicate a little better before they were able to talk. They dropped the signing once they started talking, but they could communicate basic things like "More, please" or "all done", etc. We're starting to do that w/ Rachel....who knows if it's helpful - I've heard 2 sides to the argument, but it's worth a shot. In my uneducated opinion (Rachel is only 7 mo today), you might be able to play "detective" and determine whether it's something that she wants/needs or she's trying to push her boundaries. And I don't think that means that you can't hold her if she has a tantrum....but I'm not from the school of thought that ignoring them and letting them cry makes the problem go away:) I dunno:( I feel your pain, and it has to be hard having so many extra opinions weighing in!
Ooh, one more thing. If this was a direct result of holding too much/crying it out, it seems like this would have started earlier than just 2 weeks ago, ya know? Like I said, I dunno, but if your methods worked pretty well for the first 11 mo of her life, then why after just 2 weeks are they the culprit? Sorry, just re-read a few things, so had to comment:)
Jada sounds like she wants to cuddle with her fav people. Nothing wrong with that. =)
I agree with the above 3 comments.
I think it is a phase. The thing that did work for us is the distraction dance. I would let Hailey watch her Baby Einstein while we got ready in the mornings. As for the afternoons, when she is about to start crying, see if you can distract her with another activity or take her to the window to see what's happening outside.
Go with your gut instinct. If you're not into CIO, then you're not into it. If you're into it, you're into it... No right or wrongs, you know.
If you did let her CIO and it stresses you out, she'll sense that and cry even more.
you're the mommy and you will always know what's best for her.
I know when i am cooking dinner Rhett is the fusiest. He senses i am busy and wants attention. we did the sign language and it really worked well for us. we only used like 5 signs or so but it bridged the gap until he could verbalize. so, when he was extra fussy and crying i told him to stop crying (since i knew he wasn't hurt) and say "please" and i would pick him up. he signed "please" and the tears stopped and i picked him up for a while. He really responds to positive feedback. Maybe really complimenting her when she is playing w/o being held would help.
i am sorry for all the outside folks having opinions to share with you. when i get that, that only makes me question myself more and i'm not sure what i'm doing anyway.
I am all for distraction too. If there is a toy or activity that she can do by herself that she really loves, reserve it just for those times that you can't possibly hold her, like cooking dinner or getting ready in the mornings. This could work for a while at least; you might have to get creative.
As for unsolicited advice, you will always get it. I think all kids are different, and agree with the other moms; you know your child best and can do only what you feel good about.
I think it's a phase, providing Jada wasn't sick or anything. My Lexa went thru that between 12 and 17 months. More of that she became aware of her environment but couldn't speak the words to express her frustration. She was also manipulative b/c she knew to behave certain way in front of certain people, and with me she knew I could tolerate anything from her and I got to see a lot of her crying.
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