So I almost called this "Church Training," but it applies to more than church and I didn't want to narrow my responses to those of you who go to church. This could also apply to something like storytime or watching a program at an older sibling's school...any situation where you want your little one to sit calmly and quietly on your lap and...well...he or she wants to do otherwise.
So the official question...how are each of you going about training your kids to sit still and quietly when appropriate? What has worked? What hasn't worked, and why hasn't it worked?
I ask because I really, really want to train my daughter (10.5 months old) to sit through our church service on my lap. Yesterday was one of the worst days yet...she was loud and all over the place. We've been working a lot on "don't touch" at home, and she normally obeys very well, but she was even disobedient in that regard yesterday. I add this because I do think she's "old enough" to learn to listen. I was really frustrated that she was loud and wouldn't sit still, but when I got home I realized something: I haven't taught her to. She doesn't know how I want her to behave, so it's not fair for me to expect her to act accordingly. I do need to teach her, I'm just not sure how. Any thoughts?
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My first thought was to let me know if you figure out the secret. I still have a fidgety 2 year old. :)
This probably won't be much help, but a great deal of our adult expectations may not meld well with either the child's personality at such a young age or with their developmental stage. My sister who is far more lax with her son than I ever was with my daughter, has a 7 month old who can sit still and remain quiet during all functions. My daughter (now 25 months old) has never been able to sit still unless we came armed with loads of things to entertain her. Over time, we have had to use fewer things to keep her entertained as she finds say something like choral music interesting enough to stop and listen. We tried at home to structure a few minutes of "quieter" time where the two of us just sat next to each other with a quiet activity to do. I don't know that this has helped anymore than her getting a little older and understanding our expectations of when certain behaviors are acceptable. So in other words, I don't know of any "right" method to train a child to behave certain ways other than to model it yourself or to practice what you want the child to do.
Also take into consideration whether you think your child is old enough to understand disapproval, punishment, etc. I think my little one is pretty clever, but it wasn't until she was closer to 18 months that we really thought she understood the rudimentary concept of "proper" behavior.
Hey Lisa -
Hang in there:) To some extent, some of this could be due to some bursts in motor skills/cognitive development....ie itching to be mobile and test boundaries....this comes from my Touchpoints book - not from me, so take it w/ a grain of salt:). The thing I like about this book though is that it helps me understand what Rachel might be going through developmentally and not use that as an excuse for her behavior but as background for me to know how to adjust and help her. Another thing that can affect her is our tension levels....I say this b/c w/ my nursing struggles, Rachel seems to get worse as I get more tense....it's a bad cycle (the worse she feeds, the more tense I get, making her feed even worse, etc), so if you find yourself becoming a little more tense w/ each escalation, that can affect Kathryn as well.
My sister-in-law has trained both of their kids to sit in church.... they're now 6 and 4 years old and still sit through the service w/ their small notebooks and pencils but they're pretty quiet. She suggested cheerios at this age...one at a time - although it looks like Kathryn has graduated to crackers and stuff, so you may need to do that instead or something. As Jeremiah (their 6 year old) got a little over a year, they'd take him out of the service to discipline and then bring him back in when he didn't obey...they still do that now when necessary. So, in my one and a half months less experience than you:) I'd venture to say that you're right at the edge of that, and some weeks will be harder/easier due to the various changes that Kathryn's going through and as she begins to understand. While she may be old enough to initially understand, she may not yet be at the point where she actually remembers something and is able to apply that to her current action. Also, don't forget to factor in the Sunday sleep deprivation factor....I'm sure that had to affect the meltdown at the end...
Two other thoughts (ones that I may consider): maybe we should try sitting in the hallyway in the west hall for a little bit after they get too noisy for being in the service before moving downstairs. In other words, try having longer and longer periods upstairs each week - even if it means sitting on the benches in the hallway before moving to the M parlour and letting them play on the floor....just a thought. My second thought is to discuss w/ Kate Butterbough....their kids seem to do pretty well. She's training the twins now - and they just turn a year in August, so they're only a month older than Kathryn....might provide you with some new ideas.
It is really hard for young children to sit still during church, which is why most have a nursery's!
some things that I noticed help are "quiet books" you can make your own as well, it is a felt book tied together with shoe laces that has lots of pockets and zippers and little things the child can play with, just use your imagination.
I have also seen couples bring a pack'n play to church with them and toys so the child can play in it during church, of course you have to sit somewhere in the back.
As far as sitting still at 10 1/2 months for a half hour or more, I think it's totally unrealistic unless your child is a saint.
i completely agree with "asian garden". i'm sorry can't remember your name. Rhett has been going to the nursery for several months and it is wonderful for all. we'll teach him to sit still when he is older - maybe 4 or so. it's not practical at this point or fair for him.
i hear ya. My active 7 months old definitely can't sit still. I think it's a function of a child's temperament rather than how much training you can do. They're too young to be trained or "disciplined" at this stage. In fact at their age the best thing to do is distraction rather than showing disapproval verbally. It's their nature to explore and now that they're mobile, they don't want to be held all the time. I still can't take my 27 months old to restaurants b/c she just can't sit still. She's not hyperactive. She's just being a child. and it's not that she didn't have enough exposure, we've been taking her out to many restaurnat since she was born. I read that kids attention span is no more than 15 minutes (if that) and it was unrealistic for me to expect her to finish her food at the table but sit thru an adult conversation for another hour while strapped to a high chair. To help that, I either don't go to the restaurant, or go to a restaurant with dh/friends so that we can take turns to take dd out to entertain her. I know it's hard to do that in a church setting, but maybe some good toys might help. we brought lots of toys she hasn't seen for a while when we flew 12 hours to Europe last year. Dd was barely a year old and she was a lapchild. It sounds like a nightmare to parents but with all these toys plus I took her out for isle-walks every hour she was happy the whole time with us.
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